there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
