I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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