ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
