It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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