Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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