i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
