Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just want nice things and good sex
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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