Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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