we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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