do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
