Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
