i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
