I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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