So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
