my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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