Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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