I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Someone signed my nipple.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize