So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize