I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Randomize
