you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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