Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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