Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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