i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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