Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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