People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
