I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
