Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I have post one night stand depression
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