So drunk its hurt
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
