I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
