I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
