Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Michael Bay diarrhea
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
