I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
