Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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