My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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