Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
