That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
