I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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