dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
