There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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