i just sent this text using only my big toe
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize