Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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