the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
