So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
