Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
