Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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