I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
