the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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