This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
operation harelip BJ is a go
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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