I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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