And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
