is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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