I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
