my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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