i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize