apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
