I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
