i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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