Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
