You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
