Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
