Are we in a gay sports bar?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
