Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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