I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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