Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
