I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Your cock deserves a montage
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
