all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
