I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
