i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
