considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You are a genius and a whore.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
