you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
